F is For
by Tigyr
Summary: Crack!fic Challenge entry for another site in which we had to write a story that we would normally never post. See details within...


_A/N: I claim nothing except tiredness when writing this fic...lol...it was written for two separate challenges, one of which is called the Worst Fic Ever in which we literally had to write a story that we would normally never publish. This was my...endeavor._

F is For...

An actor...he always wanted to be an actor, but of course Dad wanted him to be a financial wizard or tycoon...but he needed someone to portray that Fed...the one that would be a foil for Gibbs if the series ever took off.

Tony smiles as he watches the scenes unfold in his mind. So many actors to go through let's see...

SC? Hmm...a bit too old to be Gibbs' counterpart. Although he did make a good foil to HF in the Indiana Jones movies he could try to imagine SC trying out for the part though, but he did wonder if anyone could actually pull it off .

"Fornell: Tobias Fornell..." There was SC now, just as he imagined and of course the director just had to butt in.

"Cut! No, no , no he's not like James Bond. Next!"

"Fornell: Tobias Fornell..." RM? Tony had to admit he'd thought about putting him in there but again, the actor seemed to think that Fornell was more British than American or ohhh an Italian like himself

"Cut! No he's not a British agent. Next!" And another actor down the drain...

"Fornell: Tobias Fornell..." whoa...he'd forgotten about that one what was his name again? George something or other Lay-z-boy or something similar

"Cut! No no, no, he's not a British agent. Next!" yeah, he didn't think ol' George would get that far.

"Fornell: Tobias Fornell..."

"Cut! No no no he's not that kind of an agent...and you're too young...and not to mention You're Dead! Next!"

Hmm...okay while he hadn't completely forgotten about RP playing the young Indiana Jones, but still a good try on a ghost's part to try for the part anyway. Oh wait what about SPF? No he'd be too young too, but he'd make a good Tony...oh wait they have someone playing that part already. Darn!

"Tony, what are you doing?"

"Oh hey boss, just wondering who they're gonna get to portray your FBI counterpart."

Gibbs gives him a gentle smack, "Get your head back in the game DiNozzo. The PTB's will handle finding a Fornell suitable enough for me."

TPTB? Oh yeah the powers that be…but still SPF as an agent? Tony goes back to pretending to peruse his case file while his mind wanders to who will be the one portraying Fornell.

Oh wait what about? SMACK! Yes Boss on it boss! Back to basics Boss! Yikes! I hope they don't put Gibbs up for just any actor to portray. Needs to be someone with a sense of humor and yet it has to be subtle. Someone who can, oh well, I guess that part is already taken. They say this guy was once on St. Elsewhere and a few other television shows and oh, yeah he did really good in those movies…okay, we can accept him as Gibbs.

But who to portray Fornell? After all he's in the pilot episode…has to be someone special…oh PB he'd be good, but they say he's not available right now…and he'd probably just be someone else who'd say, "Fornell: Tobias Fornell..."

Tony sighs heavily as he imagines someone else taking on the role of Tobias Fornell…TD…no, definitely not. Although he might make a good foil for Tony's partner Tim.

"Hey, I don't want Timothy playing me. talk about confusing…besides the PTB have already found someone to be Tim."

"OH hush probie you're not even in the pilot episode."

"Hey no reason to be that harsh…sheesh Tony."

"Be quiet or I'll start calling you McCatman…Probie."

"Splutter, splutter…grrs…" Tim stomps away out of sight, and Tony goes back to wondering about Fornell.

"What about that one guy…the one that sounds like Hamo or Spamo or something like that?" Ziva asks as she sits down on his desk.

"You're not here until the third season and what actor are you talking about.?"

"He was in that television show, Hull street Blue." She says and he stares at her as he takes in the show and her idioms.

"Hill Street Blues…and hmm, now he might actually work but what could he and Gibbs possibly have in common?"

"You are the one dreaming all this up Dinutzo you figure it out."

"It's DiNozzo…big D little I, big N little ozzo….

"And I'm Tobias Fornell FBI…not really impressed with you so far DiNutzo."

"Meh…I'll grow on you Toby…and it's Gibbs you need to worry about. Not me."

"Eh…we'll have an ex-wife or something in common, that's what TPTB usually do with two men around the same age."

Tony nods as he thinks about Gibbs and the ex-wives that he is aware of. "Oh hey, you could be related to ex-wife number 2. she's the one that has the just wonderful personality that you hate."

Tony can almost imagine Fornell's eyes lighting up. the older man rubs his hands together. "I'll just make sure that I sleep with her and then Gibbs can have something to growl at me about."

Tony smiles evilly, "Make it even worse…you not only sleep with her, you marry her."

Tobias grins in agreement as he walks away. Gibbs comes up and smacks Tony again.

"Owww…boss…" he whines and Gibbs glares at him.

"You really didn't tell Fornell to marry Diane did you? Are you freaking nutsso? She'll take him for his money and then I'll never hear the end of it."

"Well, you could warn him about her, after he marries her that is…or before…it's entirely up to you boss.

"Hmph!" Gibbs stomps off and Tony rubs his head again, wondering if headaches and insomnia go hand in hand. "They're going to if you don't start paying attention to your case file DiNozzo."

He'd forgotten that Gibbs read minds…or his mind anyway.

"Not that hard Tony…you've been focusing on Fornell all week. What is your fascination with him?"

"Oh hi Abbs…I dunno, the fact that out of all the players in the first episode, he's the only one that comes back as a continual guest star?"

"Tony! you cheater! We're not supposed to know that Gibbs and Fornell have a connection beyond the first episode!"

"Oh come on Abbs aren't you the least bit curious as to who could play him?"

"Well I have to agree that the Spamo actor is probably the best foil for Gibbs so far."

"Hey! I am not Spamo! That's a pork product! I am a serious actor here!" JS glares at them both and they grin as they turn to face him.

"Okay sorry John!" Tony deliberately doesn't say the man's real name and the actor pretends to be offended as he smiles at Abby before he glares at Tony. Keeping up the act, JS stomps off set and Tony and Abby giggle as he leaves. They've found their Fornell and are pleased with the end results.

"He'll be perfect for Gibbs counterpart. And to have him be married to ex-wife number two is a brilliant idea Tony. You could even make it worse…have him get Diane pregnant. That little girl could be the one thing that could bring both men together more than the wife."

Tony rubs his chin as he nods slowly in agreement and slaps hands with Abby. They stare at each other as Tony thinks about one more thing…"Gibbs warns him about Diane being greedy and then when she cleans out his bank account have Gibbs constantly rubbing it in that he'd told him about Diane and her spending habits. Neither of them notice when the last actor slips into Tony's dream until the man says,

"Fornell: Tobias Fornell..." DC?…sorry man, you're too late, the part's taken and besides you'll be needed to take over as "Bond: James Bond….at least once PB is done with the role."

"Really? I get that part? Hmm…that's something I hadn't thought about actually. But it could definitely work for me." the actor leaves and Abby gives Tony a hug as she wanders off to her forensic domain.

"Did you finally find someone to portray Agent Fornell, Anthony?" Tony turns to Ducky who is smiling at him with affection.

"Yeah Ducky, you remember him I'm sure if you ever watched Hill Street Blues." Tony says as he shows Ducky JS's photo and the older man smiles.

"He should work very well with Jethro my dear boy. I think you did extremely well today." Ducky wanders off to Autopsy whistling some obscure Scottish ditty and Tony smiles as he watches the old man leave.

"Yeah, umm yeah…" Tony sighs as he finally falls asleep. Why he'd fixated on Fornell of all people is beyond his mental reasoning. He doesn't normally worry about other agents or agencies as Gibbs gives him plenty to think about. Still they don't often get told that a major television network is going to create a show based on what they do on a daily basis. And he has to admit, he's been a bit excited ever since.

But still to focus on one role…that's a bit much even for Tony's tired mind to comprehend.

"Fornell, Tobias Fornell…."

"NO, no no no no…Cut!"

The End

_End note: The actors in Tony's dream are as follows:_

SC- Sean Connery

RM- Roger Moore

George Lay-z- George Lazenby

RP- River Phoenix

SPF- Sean Patrick Flannery

PB- Pierce Brosnan

TD- Timothy Dalton

DC- Daniel Craig

JS- Joe Spano


End file.
